2 Year RA-eversary

I feel like I need to remember this day every year. Though I started having symptoms earlier, this was (or maybe it was yesterday) my official day of diagnosis. 2 years ago. And it has been a long 2 years. But 2 years that have challenged what I thought I could endure, challenged how I view what God's love means, challenged my struggle to let people into my life too much, and have left me on the other side. I have been off steroids and on only my two shots for 2 months which I haven't been able to do in over 2 years. Acupuncture, changing my diet, meds, prayer and who knows what else have helped me get to this point.
Ironic that yesterday I had the first flare up I have had since going to Kenya in November...not sure. But it has been my "best" flare up yet, as I was able to work and function fairly normally. I don't know if you can see it in these photos, but I thought I needed to try and document what a "good" flare up looks: like red and swollen. Yuck!

But it usually feels more like this:

Thanks, Charlie Brown for putting words to my pain :)
In the midst of even the flare up I can see how far I have come in 2 years in terms of the emotional burden of this disease. It used to take everything out of me, honestly, to make it day by day but especially when I had a flare up. Now, strangely this feels more like part of life. I can't say that I like it but I don't feel like every fiber of my being is fighting against what I have been given.
So I will raise my chocolate chip cookie (vegan of course) to my 2 year RA)-eversary.
Oh, and fun fact thanks to Evy: Lucille Ball had RA. And some other celebs who, shocker, I don't know who they are. 

Weekend with the Folks

Mom and Dad came in town this weekend and we unintentionally put them to work. We worked on some projects but also watched bball, The Hunger Games, and had a pre-birthday dinner. Always fun having them in town!!! Here are some pics:

Mom, helping me with my skirt sewing project

My birthday "cake!"

On their way out of town. (self taken photo)

Post Yard Work...that's a big pile, mostly chopped down by Mom, the saw/lauper master

 

Dad and John working on his picture projects (I neglected to take photos of the finished products)

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday Quotes

Would I invite rebuke from the Lord?

'Here I raise my Ebeneezer, hither by thy help I've come'

Waiting

I am convinced that most of our lives are spent in some form of waiting. Sometimes this feels more acute, other times we are not aware of what we are waiting for. Lately I have felt like I am stuck in waiting and getting tired of it. So I started re-reading a book called Waiting by Ben Patterson that I know I have posted about before.
So this conglomeration of thoughts is stemming from this idea of waiting.
Ben Patterson writes: "To wait is to bow before his superior wisdom and timing when it comes to the things we want. It is to confess that he, not me, is the one in charge...You cannot hope in God until you have ceased to hope in yourself." Over the years as I have been learning more about waiting I have realized how I dislike waiting because I like results, I like things to happen now, I like to feel in control of when they happen. Let's be honest, I don't like to be uncomfortable and waiting is uncomfortable. It is this hanging in a balance of having unmet desires, of longings, and usually of me placing hope in circumstances or people. Proverbs 13:12 has been often quoted in our church...Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Placing my hope on circumstances or people leads to heart sickness, but my hope placed in the Lord is a tree of life or a place where there is room for things to grow, to live, to be cut off, for fruit to be sown, for expansion, for purpose.
I also get trapped in the lie that loneliness is a companion to waiting but last night I was reminded that this is not the case. Moses, as he was being called, was told by God: "Certainly I will be with you." (Exodus 3:12). I do not stand alone...He is always there with me. He says certainly-I don't have to wonder or doubt the truth in his presence there, in the midst of my waiting.
Today I am thankful for a God who is faithful to meet me in my pain and in my need and to remind me of truth.

Remember

Having a day of feeling discouraged and defeated. As my heart feels heavy and lost I need reminders... reminders of truth, reminders of love, reminders of where my hope lies. Today my heart needed this.
Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls, yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord GOD is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds’ feet, and makes me walk on my high places. Habakkuk 3:17-19

Sunday Quotes

Ephesians 5:1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love...
  What would it look like if we lived as beloved children and saw everyone else as a beloved child of the Lord's?

(First signs of spring in my yard...)

A post...finally

I have fallen off the posting wagon, but am going to get back on here. It has been busy between working and going out of town and then coming back to work and life.
I did a really bad job of taking pictures while in Philly, so you can look at Danielle's blog. We had a great time...it was so fun to be around the girls and see their sweet and very different personalities emerging. Heidi is so happy and adventurous. And Lydia loves to talk and play and read and was okay being around us without Danielle around so we had our first girls date. I did take a picture there...

I am so thankful for my sweet friends there and for the ease of being friends even though we are separated by far too many miles. Danielle has always been someone who has embraced and welcomed vulnerability and honesty and I am thankful to have someone who continues to push me in that direction.
Hope everyone gets to watch all the March Madness they want to...go Dores!!!!

Looking forward to...

2 Things I am looking forward to right now...
Going to visit these folks

And March Madness...Yep, it's about to be that wonderful time of year where great basketball games abound. The season has been more challenging since I don't still get the ESPN signal from our neighbor, but ESPN3 has been my friend in keeping up with Vandy games. And we get CBS so I will be in business to keep up with the games. Get ready Bruce family pool...as always I will be picking Vandy going way too far but hope springs anew...isn't that how the saying goes. Maybe this will be their year.

Sunday Quotes

Joy is peace on its feet; peace is joy at rest. Anne Lamott

For He himself is our peace  Ephesians 2:14

Paintings

I have pulled out the ole painting supplies again. Maybe it is because I haven't been able to go to ballet class so I haven't had my "creative" outlet. It has been really nice. I have never been one who does a lot of abstract painting where you let go of any plan (maybe says something about my personality) but I did try one of those. I haven't gotten up enough bravery to buy canvas to paint on...right now just sticking to the sketch pad.

Today just got around do to a little sketching that I will hopefully have time to fill in this weekend.