Randy talked about desires a few weeks ago in a sermon. He said that we cheapen our desires into wants. What I see as a deep desire or longing of my heart, such as to be known and loved-I can cheapen that desire into a want that I have control over-like finding more friends who will like me, etc. This pattern shows up in a lot of different places. This morning I was lucky to have a meeting with some people from our church and a lot of our discussion resonated and reminded me of this.
What we were talking about specifically was community and how people desire to "plug-in" at our church. I think a lot of this want or cry is a cry of our deeper desires. And I love that my my church longs for me/we to understand the desires of my heart and not necessarily get this thing that I think I need or want. I have realized over the years of going to Midtown how much the gospel is the river flowing through all that they preach, how our services are designed, and how they wish for us to go deeper in smaller groups. This gospel transformation has to happen within me personally before I see my need for community, before I see my need of a world outside that need to be loved.
And this gospel transforming my heart is not a quick fix or a quick change...it is something that is born out of long suffering, out of me reaching the end of myself and seeing my need, of me experiencing deep loneliness and allowing someone to see me there, out of patience and faith. It happens when I realize I am ready to pay the price to step out of the shadows and allow others to really know me and see me. The price is high but the gain is great. And it is a step that I must take over and over as my tendency is to want to hide or want the cheap quick fix.
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