I haven't written about my Rheumatoid Arthritis in awhile, so I will give an update. I have finally started living day to day without joint pain! Yay! Though I am excited I still have days where I feel this tug of not being grateful but still just thinking, "but this isn't what I want, so I don't want to even feel excited that I feel better." Selfishness and the feeling of being slighted slip into my heart and can wreak havoc. They disrupt my peace and joy. I know it is still part of the process, that it is okay for me to not want to welcome this new guest to my life, but I also long for my heart to be thankful and to be okay with it all. The tension some days is palpable and some days just annoying to deal with.
Today I am feeling particularly pouty about it. I had a doctor's appointment and he was all excited about where I am. I didn't feel excited. I felt annoyed.
I trust that the Lord can break these crusty places in my heart. I can be thankful for this.
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