Yes but No

The other night I was talking to my dear friend about life right now...how I have found myself in charge of a lot of things and how I have been feeling the tension of being in charge, but not being ultimately in control. I was telling her of this struggle...this desire to be in control that is so strong within me I fight hard to let go of it. She laughed and said "Not being in control is exhausting!" We laughed really hard about the irony of this statement, and how we were both seeing that in our lives. But I am finding there is so much truth to it in terms of how I feel. Not being in control should bring such freedom and a lightness to things but that is not my experience of late.
This whole idea is going to take a lot of time and listening to get to all the inter-workings of why I fight to relinquish control. So I am asking for that to happen (yes, scary thing to ask for).
In the meantime I have been re-reading Isaiah 55 for a week or so and this one little verse has been speaking some goodness into me.
v. 2 "Listen carefully to me and eat what is good. And delight yourself in abundance."
I have to be open to hearing and listening. I can chose to live in self pity or carry the weight of responsibility or play the martyr or victim or believe that I am on my own or I can eat what is good. And lastly I can delight in all that I have been given and in the promise that I am given all I need even if it is this very struggle.