I just went to my Rheumatologist's office. I really like my guy, his name is Marcus Owen. He is very kind, cares a lot about what I am feeling, has been aggressive with treating my pain. But I just hate going over there...really I just hate the waiting room. Everyone there is over 40, mostly over 65. Many people have canes, are limping, need help getting around. Nobody there looks my age. And it is crazy how fast my brain goes to fear about what my life will look like down the road when it comes to my Rheumatoid Arthritis. Will I be able to walk without pain, drive without pain, wash my hair without pain...the list can go on and on. I am re-reading the last Harry Potter before I go see the movie and had it with me in the waiting room. So I just kept trying to distract myself with broomsticks and potions and not let myself get sucked into my fears, but it didn't really work. I need better than Harry Potter...I needed some truth in my brain and my heart to speak into my fears...and it did come, just took the ride home to start hearing that whisper among the screams in my head. The whisper called to me: "you can trust me, I love you, I care for you." I heard it in the verses: Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. (Psalm 23), there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18), let the bones you have broken rejoice (Psalm 51:10). I may be one of those old ladies with a cane and a pink hat limping in to see my doctor one day, but I will not walk that path alone.
*(Just to complete the picture of the pink hat wearing lady today, she also had sunglasses, huge gold earrings and was wearing what appeared to be a blanket, and some kicking white sneakers..it was pretty awesome).
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