Faith

Tim Keller:"The critical factor in my faith is not it's strength but it's object."

Romans 8:24 "for in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes in what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it."

When I get frustrated in my unbelieving I usually find myself thinking, even subconsciously, that I need to do more, believe harder, should have done better, etc. Faith is a hard thing... it is hard to believe in what we can't see or believe in promises we read but don't always feel. I like this Keller quote. To me it takes me out of the equation in terms of how hard I believe, it takes the guilt out of it, it gives some handholds to this difficult to grasp thing called faith. It isn't how hard I believe, but what I believe or where I am placing my hope. Which then leads me to the next question: what am i believing or where am I placing my hope?
It is so much easier for me to believe in the things I can see or feel or touch. I am at his mercy to even start this process. What I bring is my helplessness, my need, my inability and my desire to be in this place of faith. It is a fight most days to have this posture, to loose the control I think I have, to be willing to let him work and to see my need.

What is the object of your faith today?

Friday Cabinet

I thought I posted about this months ago, but I was mistaken. I know I was waiting for awhile because I wanted to complete it a bit more before showing photos.
The back story: I bought my first place a little over 3 years ago. At that time my parents wanted to get me some kind of housewarming gift. Well, I didn't really know what I needed or even what my sense of style was at that point so I held off. Mom kept her eyes open and kept pressing me to find out what I was liking or thinking would be useful. Through Amani opening their store she has become a regular at this store called Lost in Time...it is a kind of furniture/antique/random collection of items...a truly classic place. You never know exactly what you might find there. But, she has gotten to know Jerry, the owner, and he started looking out for Mom for me.
What they came up with is amazing... I love it!

And one of the things I love most about it is the story behind the furniture. This is called a Friday Cabinet. So when this was made, carpenters used to make pieces out of a certain type of wood each day of the week. For example Monday pieces were made of Walnut, Tuesday made of Pine....etc. But on Friday they would use all the leftover pieces to make a cabinet..hence the name Friday Cabinet. So it is very unique...you can see some of the different pieces and grains of wood, but it all blends so beautifully together.
And the fun part was filling it....

This is my favorite shelf. I found these bottles and sifter at the Flea Market here...they are old medicine bottles. That picture is of my grandparents. I never got to meet my Grandfather and Janie Mom, my Grandmother was only alive for the first few years of my life. This is a picture of the two of them together on vacation and they just look so joyful and happy together. Mom passed a copy of the photo on to me awhile back and it is one of my favorite things.
So that is my Friday Cabinet...

New eyes

I have been working through the frustation and bitterness revolving around rheumatoid arthritis again. I feel like that same frustation can be applied to any situation that you don't want in your life. Will I view this as an annoyance or something I should be ungrateful for? Or will I open my eyes or my mind to the possibility that there is a gift or something more within it?
I have been working through this some this week. It has been a sweet time, tough, but sweet. Here is a psalm that I read during this time.
Psalm 30:10-12
"Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me. Lord be my help."
You turned my mourning into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God I will praise you forever.
And a song quote from Mumford and Sons: lend me your eyes and I'll change what you see.
So here is to thankfulness that He can change how I see things in my life.

Am I Free?

Or maybe the better question is am I living free? Am I living in the reality of the freedom that has been given to me; in the reality of "I am alive"; in the overflowing abundance of grace and his new life for me?
I think I have been struck by that this week....of this reality that I am given a new life but many times I feel like I am still living the old life. Like a prisoner who has been set free but won't walk outside of the cell, I like the idea of comfort or control or knowing where I am versus walking into the unknown (i.e. having to believe).
This is a quote from John Gerstner:
“…the way to God is wide open. There is nothing standing between the sinner and his God. He has immediate and unimpeded access to the Savior. There is nothing to hinder. No sin can hold [you] back, because God offers justification to the ungodly. Nothing now stands between the sinner and God but the sinner’s “good works.” Nothing can keep him from Christ but his delusion… that he has good works of his own that can satisfy God… All they need is need. All they need is nothing…"
If I think this has anything at all to do with me, my abilities, my control, then I am missing the point completely. And to miss the point completely is a life as a prisoner. Help me to live freely!

Gardening Still

The heat has been a little rough on the yard this summer but mostly my yard and not our vegetable patch. Things are still blooming and we have had our spurts of a lot of veggies.

It looks a bit of a mess but in its messiness is some goodness. We still have tomatoes, cucumbers and potatoes to eat. I am still holding out hope for the squash, but I think our green beans are finished. We grew carrots and they are really cute from the top but never really made anything edible. Here are a few more shots.

 See, cute, huh?

I looked here for seeds for cool weather lettuce and such, but hadn't been able to find any. But when I was in the big Winston-Salem, lo and behold, they have seeds. Not just regular ole packets of seeds; you can buy them by the 1/2 ounce and they come in these cute packs...felt very old fashioned. But bonus was the vegetable planing guide they also gave me. So soon (according to my chart from Aug 15-Sept 15) I will plant my spinach and lettuce and hope for an extension to the veggies.

Poverty

Mark 12:44 ...for they put in out of their surplus, but she, out of her povery, put in all she owned, all she had to live on.
This is the story of  Jesus' observations of people gifts. I have read this before, but this time around it hit me in a different way. In the past I have thought more about the generosity monetarily. But I was thinking more about the woman's trust. She gave all that she had..all the money she needed to live on and get to the next day, not to mention the next week, she gave. She gave, trusting that God would provide for her needs. What trust! Not only do I not have that kind of generosity, I don't have that kind of faith.
I also know that I hold on to certain parts of my life, thinking I have control and wishing to live in that illusion, rather than surrendering all. I live in an illusion of wealth...that I have something to contribute in this whole deal.
I long to live with this kind of recognition of my need and this faith of conviction and action.

MIA

Yes, I have been MIA. Crazy week. And then I ditched the old phone and got John's iPhone, so I have been spending time trying to figure it all out. So adios ole flip phone...you lasted way longer than I thought!

Part of this week's busy-ness has been learning how to be a nursing clinical instructor, a new task I am taking on this fall, and working on plans for Kenya. I am really excited about both. But especially excited about getting to go back to Kenya. We have a great team this year and are expanding the trip. Over the past 3 years we have taken 3 separate teams to Tenwek hospital to perform cardiac surgery on kids over there. Our original team was composed of about 12 people. We have learned a lot from each trip and continued to expand and grow, collecting staff from hospitals all over the country. In past years we have done surgery for a week. This year we are doing 2 weeks of surgery and the planning has begun. It has been a lot of fun this week to shift over to thinking about preparations from that standpoint. And it has been really fun to start talking to our nursing team this year and to get to be a part of their experience. Some things are so hard to explain about the time there, but I look at each person on our team and can see what an integral part they will play and can't wait to see their eyes a-glow as they are serving over there. This is one of my favorite parts of the trip...just seeing the vision grow as more people participate. In planning for things, of course I have been looking at pictures, so here is one of my favorites from last year.