I have found myself doing really strange things in the last few weeks preparing for surgery. I have felt this need to wrap things up nicely like I am not going to be able to do anything afterwards. I have been cleaning out my room, my house and wanting things to be "settled" before I enter into this next stage. I think that has come from my experience the last time around. I wasn't blogging at the time but to sum it up, God used the time to really shake things up...my identity and discovering who I was apart from my job, my ability to be athletic, my ability to help others...whew, that alone was a lot. It was a really challenging season. My self proclaimed nickname Tears Nesbitt was birthed in this season somewhere along the way.
I don't know if in my anticipation of that happening again I have felt like I need things to start of in a neat place or what.
But thankfully God has gifted me with sweet reminders these past two days...he has given friends to speak words of love and encouragement, he has brought his peace, he has given me the gift of beautiful sunsets and laughing children and work to occupy my hands and mind. I am reminded over and over, even when my heart just wants to be angry and defiant, that God is here with me in each season-the hard ones and the smoother ones. And no matter how much I don't want to step into what he is about to shake up, he will provide what I need to get through it.
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