Giving some thanks

I think every year when I return from Tenwek there is of course a different processing process. The first year I worked through different things than I have this year. This year was a little strange and I have to admit a little gross to see where my heart has been leading since coming back. A lot of times when I come back I am overwhelmed by all that I have and all that people there don't have. Which I think physically speaking is still the case...I have come back thankful for some of the things I have. But I have felt this glaring hole in places where I don't have what I think I need. So instead of coming back thankful I have come back maybe bitter is the right word for it. Which, like I said is gross. It is good this week was thanksgiving because I think that forced me into some genuine thankfulness by, oh Friday morning. And I think God has used some of my past few days off to remind me that in saying he has given me everything I need he is also saying he hasn't given me the other things that I may think I need. This doesn't totally take away some of the pain of the gaping hole but it does begin to mend things a bit. And hopefully my heart will continue to come around in time.
I think this year a lot of the hard stuff hit me harder...seeing patients around the hospital who died, seeing the kids and adults who we couldn't do surgery on...those things I had a lot harder time coming to terms with. Maybe before I have never really let myself think about them too much because it is hard to think about that stuff. It is really hard to think about people who will die because of something they don't really need to die from...if only they lived somewhere else. But I do come back to the truth that God knows each person and each heart and what they and those around them can handle and need in their lives. I don't think beyond that I will ever have any sort of answer for how hard a reality that is.
I am finally going through some pictures so here are a few.

This is Eunice...she is a trip! She had a harder post-op course and was still there when we left. She was the one who told me I was pounding her like maize while I was doing her respiratory treatment. I love that smile, though...it lights up the room!

This is Kiprono, or Kip from the first week. He touched a lot of people. He is I think 16 or so and when he was seen in the clinic Michael, one of the non medical guys helping out in there, was immediately drawn to him and knew he needed help. When they started anesthesia on him his heart was so sick it stopped and they brought him back. Once Michael heard this he went to the hospital chapel and prayed for him for a long time. The surgeons debated on whether or not to go on with the surgery. They finally decided he would die soon without it so it was worth trying. He did amazingly well...and proceeded to wear this Michigan hat Russ White gave him constantly after surgery.

More later!