Getting Ready!

Departure for Kenya is less than a month away! Kenya has become a place that is dear to my heart...a safe place, a place of rest (well heart rest, not body rest really), a place of fellowship, a place of joy, a place of learning...it is a special place. I am starting to lose count but I think this is my 6th time going to the country and 4th time going to Tenwek to lead up the nurses on our cardiac trip.
At this point every day my brain is thinking of things that I need to remember to bring or have forgotten...we have hit crunch time! And I can't wait to get there.
One of the big jobs we have is bringing all the medical supplies we will need to run the ICU for 2 weeks. So last weekend some of the nursing crew got together to sort through all the stuff we have collected.

So much stuff!! Today I also got some stuff from this great place called Project Cure.

They are a non-profit that collects supplies from hospitals and then sorts it and ships it to third world countries. I have volunteered over there some and our group of nurses volunteered over there. So they let us take a few things that we need for our trip. Thanks, Project Cure!!
Soon this will be my view

Actually, more realistically this will be my view. But I am okay with it!

Making Room for Imperfection

The past few weeks I have been learning the tough lesson of putting aside a lot of my expectations and ideas and submitting and trusting. Eesh...I have failed pretty badly at it. I have been in charge of organizing some stuff and things weren't working out as easily as planned. I know in my mind I had this ideal scenario of how people were going to be running to participate and loving every second of what came out of it. Well, the first problem was people were in no way running. And suddenly my ideal plan was taking on a shape of its own that I wasn't too crazy about. In the midst of the process I found myself bitter, angry, blaming others, trying so hard to hold onto my picture of things.
Long story short everything turned out great...I was just the one having problems letting it turn into what it was going to turn into. I had trouble giving up control; I had trouble letting go of my ideal expectation; I had trouble being okay with things not being perfect and laying my pride to rest; I had trouble not feeling like I was letting people down by not having it be this certain way. I had trouble making room for imperfection. And the imperfection that came out of it was a beautiful picture and one I could not have created on my own.
I am sure there are many other areas in my life where I need to make room for imperfection....dare I ask for those to be revealed?
Once I have a few pictures from the experience I will post them.

Blog Anniversary

I started blogging a year ago from yesterday. I missed my blog anniversary since my day was filled with the teaching of the students. But today I have had some space to relax and enjoy and be still and think, among other things, about this blog.
I am glad I started this ole blog...I know it doesn't get much traffic, but it has been a therapeutic place for me. I have been able to live life, to bring words to my heart and head and to have some fun posts too. It is good for me and so I will continue on in my postings, though they are more rare then in the past. I have always been someone who journals but I mostly journal my prayers because my mind tends to jump around a lot. This is like a journal to me too (though, lucky for you, not as vulnerable as the paper one)...this one is just easier to go back and find certain trains of thoughts. It serves as an Ebeneezer to look back and see trials, growth, learning. And maybe it serves others too. Who knows.
The following was part of my original post and part of my impetus to start blogging. My diagnosis of RA had turned my life in directions I didn't know were possible. And the lyrics from Andrew Peterson's song were (and still are) words that spoke deeply to my heart to remind me of truth.
 Love below me
Love around me
Love above me
Love has found me
Love has found me here

Yes but No

The other night I was talking to my dear friend about life right now...how I have found myself in charge of a lot of things and how I have been feeling the tension of being in charge, but not being ultimately in control. I was telling her of this struggle...this desire to be in control that is so strong within me I fight hard to let go of it. She laughed and said "Not being in control is exhausting!" We laughed really hard about the irony of this statement, and how we were both seeing that in our lives. But I am finding there is so much truth to it in terms of how I feel. Not being in control should bring such freedom and a lightness to things but that is not my experience of late.
This whole idea is going to take a lot of time and listening to get to all the inter-workings of why I fight to relinquish control. So I am asking for that to happen (yes, scary thing to ask for).
In the meantime I have been re-reading Isaiah 55 for a week or so and this one little verse has been speaking some goodness into me.
v. 2 "Listen carefully to me and eat what is good. And delight yourself in abundance."
I have to be open to hearing and listening. I can chose to live in self pity or carry the weight of responsibility or play the martyr or victim or believe that I am on my own or I can eat what is good. And lastly I can delight in all that I have been given and in the promise that I am given all I need even if it is this very struggle.

Cooking Ventures

I feel like I should write more about living and enjoying food in my limited spectrum in the DF, MF (dairy free, meat free for those up you not up on the slang) world. The comment I hear most frequently is "I could never give up dairy...I love (fill in the blank with milk, cheese, ice cream)" too much. Then people usually proceed to go on talking about all the yumminess I avoid. Well, yes, I love those things too. But the reality hasn't been as bad as you would think and obviously knowing that it makes me feel bad is the easiest way to avoid it. That being said, the other night I tried a new and delicious vegetable. I had been hearing about this from several friends at work and then saw it on sale so decided to try it. What is it, you may be wondering?
Spaghetti squash! It was great and really easy to cook and once cooked almost turns out like spaghetti. Once the inside gets cooked and soft you can take a fork and make it stringy like angel hair pasta and scoop it out...pretty fun.
Okay here is what you do. (I did not take pictures as I made it because it was after work and I was starving!! (image from mscollegefoodie.wordpress.com))

You can either cut the squash before you cook it, but it is tough, so I stabbed it like you do a baked potato and baked it whole in the oven at 375. After it had been baking for 20 minutes I took it out, cut it in half, scooped out all the seeds and then put it back in the oven for 20-25 more minutes. Bake it until it is soft.
Then when you take it out, rake a fork through it and scoop out the insides. That is it.
I am told you can cut it in half before hand, scoop out the seeds and then microwave it for about 5 minutes in water and get the same results.
I served mine with pesto I had made and frozen earlier this summer, but you can do it with pasta sauce, butter/oil and spices...whatever.
It was delicious and apparently low in calories and a good source of vitamin a, folic acid and potassium.
Maybe I will post my pesto recipe sometime soon.

Many Vacations

I have never taken so many vacations as I have this summer. Not complaining at all...it has been really nice to have a lot of breaks from the real world. And with my job it really isn't too hard to swing...I just haven't been great about planning them.I didn't do a great job of taking pictures on the most recent but this is the idea from a previous year...

Lots of reading, lots of sitting and thinking, lots of beach walking, lots of down time. I think all my vacationing has been good in terms of hopefully helping me set a more restful tone to my usual week. I have realized the deep healing that comes from uninterrupted time in silence or time without the worry of the usual days. When my days are jam packed here there is no space for me to hear God speaking. So this will be my hope as I go into non-vacation stretch.
My next trip will be to Kenya, which I don't really count as vacation, even though it is refreshing in it's own working-your-tail-off sense.

Promise

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him" Psalm 37:7
Oh waiting...the most difficult task ever. I couldn't wait for the slow granny in front of me in traffic today. So waiting to see how God will work seems an impossibility. I came across this verse this week and I have been re-reading and spending time with it.
Be still to me is: don't take it into my own hands, stop rushing about, sit, like Mary at His feet, don't worry, allow my spirit to be calmed. And wait with patience. I think this means wait with hope too. Most of the time I don't believe in his promises and don't believe that he is for me or knows me or loves me enough to give me what I need. So my waiting is either short lived or non existent because I am trying to fix things myself because I don't believe. I need help with this, like I need help with everything else in my life. Humbling. Yet so true.
That's it..short and to the point.
(This picture has nothing to do with this idea other than the fact that I really like yellow roses)