Theme

Apparently the theme of today was dance. We went to watch my friend Kristen's dance team practice for nationals. It was awesome. Now I have always loved dance but didn't really do the dance team or as much of the jazz/hip hop type stuff growing up. My sister and I used to enjoy watching the dance and cheerleading competitions on tv so it was fun to see it live. Awesome! And fun to see what Kristen's has spent so much time doing.
To top the night off we watched another dance classic: Girls Just Want to Have Fun. I am always shocked when I discover people who have never seen this one. So you're welcome Leah and Lindsey for introducing you to such a wonderful movie.

The final scene is by far my favorite and sadly I know many of the words and most of the moves. So if you want to spend 6 minutes enjoying pure awesome-ness press play. If not then I will sing the hit "Slow slow, quick quick slow" for you the next time we meet.

Yep, it's that time again

Ballet has started yet again. And this girl is excited. Last night was the first class and I have to say I hope some people quit. Last semester there were usually 4-6 people in our class, which was awesome. The teacher walked around and corrected each one of us (well except one girl who was too good to be in our class) and I felt like I improved a lot. Last night's class was too big, so hopefully it will thin out a little.
When I told people that I was taking ballet the first thing they wanted to know was what do you wear. Leotard and tights is still the going fashion, but it is relaxed so I can wear a shirt over my leotard or leggings if I wanted. Just to humor you all:

Sniff

I like books in general. But I also really like the smell of old books, even the smell of libraries...really a book store of old used books is incredible. Even if I would never read them, sometimes I just want to buy a lot of used old books, thinking about who read them, or who marked in them, or what that book meant to them.
So at some point along the way I bought an old book of Robert Frost's poems. I don't really understand poetry but I do enjoy reading it. I think I get something out of it, though not to the depths that most do. Many of his poems rhyme. Here is a little snippet from one I read today. This is from the end of Reluctance:
Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?
Oh and turns out the trip isn't going to happen after all. Bummer. But I guess that means I am not supposed to be going.

To Haiti or not to Haiti

Last fall I was ready to take another trip to do some nursing somewhere else, meaning another country. My heart will always be drawn to Kenya, but that trip, if it happens, won't be until the fall. So I started looking into other options for something short term since I am now juggling school too. This semester I only have one class so it seems like it is do-able.
I am currently in limbo, waiting to hear if I will be going to Haiti at the beginning of February. I think I am going but I am waiting on the final word (in the form of a plane ticket).
I am excited for a quick adventure but nervous about what I will be seeing and nervous about venturing out on my own. My understanding is that the country is still in a very low place and many are still suffering from cholera. I am not sure exactly what I will be doing but I think it is a clinic setting. So many unknowns. Which I am okay with.
Somehow I am okay with all these unknowns. Yet some of the bigger unknowns in my life seem like way too much and I have a hard time being okay with them and trusting.

What is that to you? Follow me

Last fall my friend pointed out a passage in John she had read and some observations. I later spent some time there and was impacted by it at the time. I keep coming back to this idea as I know this is something I struggle with a lot, so I decided it was worth talking about.
At the end of John, Jesus has come back and is talking to Peter. He has taken Peter aside and is telling him a few things about his future, ending it with the command, "Follow me." Well Peter turns around and has noticed John trailing behind them. So he points back at John and says "what about him?" Jesus answers him, "If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? Follow me." (John 21:22).
(Side note, John, as he writes this book, refers to himself several times as "the disciple whom Jesus loved" which I think is hilarious.)
Anyway, back to the story,. Why I am so concerned with other people's lives or what they have or what seems to be going "well" for them. I can get so distracted by this that I find it difficult to focus on the simple command and call on my life. Instead I am the one looking behind me saying what about him?

Winter Sunset

End to a nice day. Glad I had an errand to run so I didn't miss this one. Nothing much beats a good winter sunset through the bare trees. Too bad the pictures wash out how bright the colors are, but atleast this is an attempt.

Shelter

I have been a Jars of Clay fan since their first album, which was my sophomore year of high school. Still really enjoy them, a lot. I like getting their new albums because the more times I listen to the songs I discover new lyrics or trinkets of truth to hold up later.
I didn't get their new album Shelter until after Christmas because I knew during December I would only listen to Christmas music. Shortly after, my ipod got stolen so I am still barely learning the songs.
My initial favorite, and the title track of the album, is the song Shelter. The idea comes from an Irish proverb that says "In the shelter of each other that people live."
The song paints this picture of community both in the harmony of many voices coming together to sing the chorus as well as in the lyrics. Here are some of the lyrics:

Cast off the robes you’re wearing

Set aside the names that you’ve been given

May this place of rest in the fold of your journey

Bind you to hope, you will never walk alone

In the shelter of each other, we will live, we will live

In the shelter of each other, we will live, we will live

Your arms are all around us

If our hearts have turned to stone

There is hope, we know the rocks will cry out

And the tears aren’t ours alone

Let them fall into the hands that hold us

Come away from where you’re hiding

Set aside the lies that you’ve been living

May this place of rest in the fold of your journey

Bind you to hope that we will never walk alone

We will always be somewhere in the midst of life's storms, but we are given this shelter knowing we are not walking alone, on multiple levels.

Monster of Florence

Book review time..have gotten to read too much on my month off from school to not comment on atleast one of them. My entertainment books are generally mysteries...I really enjoy them. But this is a different twist on the mystery. The Monster of Florence by Douglas Preston and Mario Spezi. Fascinating.

It is a true story (otherwise known as non-fiction but not boring) about a serial killer who struck in the area outside of Florence, Italy in the 80s. I love all things Italy, but regardless my of my bias, it is a fascinating story that happened and is in some ways still happening. And also crazy was still going on while I lived there; never heard one thing about it then.
One of the authors was a news reporter who was around during the 'Monster's' time and reported on all of the killings. Classic Italy: he was allowed a lot of freedom on crime scenes and found out info he probably shouldn't have, thus he knew every detail about that story and because of his knowledge had some of his own theories on who Il Monstre could be. The crime was not solved and 20 years later an American author moves outside of Florence to write a different book. He starts hearing of the Monster and becomes fascinated, thus the friendship and book written by these two authors. And this is the start of the story.
The old is retold and the two continue to probe and dig wanting to solve the crime. I won't spoil anything but it is a crazy ending...
John and I were both reading it over Christmas break and couldn't put it down. I beat him to the finish and as soon as I did Mom picked it up.

Adios 2010

And Adios first week of 2011...started out a little rough this week. Sheesh. I don't make resolutions but I do like to spend time remembering and reflecting on the previous year. This has been a challenging year but also a year of seeing many blessings and much growth and has been filled with sweet and fun memories. I think it can be easy to focus on the bad and the hard but a lot of times I need the push to switch my perspective. Most days that comes in the reminder of the verse written on my bathroom mirror: rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in all things give thanks. This verse still baffles me and in my desire to be honest, I still cannot say I am thankful for RA..I can say that I am learning to live with it, like an uninvited visitor who has come to stay for good, but I am sure, as I have seen the growth and change in my heart towards this part of my life, that someday I may be able to say that.
The last few days I have been reflecting and remembering on the last year and finding so much to be thankful for and remembering some things I had forgotten about altogether. Funny that this week of remembering coincided with my worst flare yet, huh? Thankful for provision even if it comes in strange packages.

What Am I Listening To?

We all live in a world of distractions...there are so many things demanding our attention, screaming louder than the next. My own mind is a great source of distraction..what do I believe and listen to in the mess of thoughts up there? I am in the midst of another flare up, a bad one, and yesterday was a struggle to do anything. It ended up I was at my job, a really difficult place to be when I slept only a few hours because of the pain and could barely move one of my fingers. (Note to self, call out sick next time). Thinking about it today I was thankful I was there in some ways. I had friends there who could help me make it through the pain, who listened, who made me laugh, who encouraged me, who loved me. Sitting at home alone it is easy to get lost in the rabbit trail of my own thoughts and fears in the midst of the pain and get stuck there.
Sunday at church our pastor challenged us with a question which was basically do I look at myself as someone who is loved? For me to know that I need to hear that voice, seek it and sit in its presence.
So I have been thinking this morning what do I listen to? I remembered a story Adrienne had brought home one day. It was an article from the Washington Post about an experiment they did. They took Joshua Bell, one of the greatest violinist ever, and had him play in the subway station during rush hour. Before the test, they thought they would need to be ready to control crowds. But they were sorely mistaken. Here is the youtube link. The article is listed below the video. Essentially over a thousand people passed by in the 40 some minutes he played and only a handful stopped to listen...everyone else continued with their life not realizing they were passing one of the best artists ever, playing for free, playing for their delight, calling them to stop and enjoy. He made 32 dollars in tips, coming from a guy whose tickets probably cost 100 bucks a piece when he plays. And he cut no corners...he played some of the most technically challenging violin pieces ever and with gusto.But the communters rushed by, maybe threw in a quarter. Many didn't even look over at him. In the article Joshua comments about how he felt like he had accomplished something if someone even glanced his way.
So anytime, but especially when things feel crazy, which is most of life, what I am listening to?

Lackadaisical

This is how I have been feeling since getting back to Nashville...not enthused about much, not wanting to enter back into everything...slow. For some reason I usually feel this way after vacation, especially one like this Christmas break which was so relaxing. I like my life here...a lot. During a lot of vacation though I can just ignore a lot of other things that are going on in life, especially the hard things...I like abandoning reality. So I wonder if that is why it is a tough blow to enter back into the trials of life and the reality of it all. Life isn't this fairy tale paradise where there isn't hardship. I appreciate the hardship, my heart still just longs for easy and comfortable. I know easy and comfortable isn't where I am meant to live, but it sure is nice. I know, as I have seen even in my own life, the good fruit that is born out of trial and messy and hard. Comfortable and easy also usually mean for me superficial as I am ignoring all that is brewing in my heart. In several days time I am sure I will resume my normal feeling about life here and about the things in my life that are a challenge. Each day does feel a little more normal and that is really mostly because I have my friends and community calling me back into it, reminding me of the sweetness of even the difficult stuff.
"Therefore strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet." Hebrews 12:12