White Christmas

This year, I got an extra Christmas present...a white christmas. Those of you who know me know I love snow, love to be out in it, love to watch it fall. Somehow it is still incredibly magical to me. Combine that with Christmas and  it is almost like taking me to Disney World (well, not quite, but close). The snow started falling in Winston around 11 and didn't let up until the next day, which left us with over 6 inches. Those of you from the north think I am crazy, but I am okay with that.

We went out in it as the sun was setting, so house pre walk. And then post walk with the Christmas lights on.

This is how much we ended up getting! The next day, after going for a walk in the snowy roads, I talked John and Dad into sledding and snow man making. We are easily the oldest children that live in our cold-e-sac but we were the only ones out. But it was really fun...the boogie board made for the best runs down the front yard.

Most of those piles of snow are still the same size in my parents yard, so we got to enjoy it all week!

Rest

I am not good at resting. I am usually multi-tasking or if I am trying to rest I am also thinking about all the things I need to do once I finish with my resting. I know it is an important thing as I need time to be refreshed and renewed, to sit and listen, and to not be doing well anything. The image that comes to mind is from Psalm 23: He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul. I find it interesting that it says He makes me lie down...that this is a process that is not always easy or something I always want to be doing, but something that I need to do enough that I will be made to do it. And in doing it He will restore my soul. And that this is something I need, otherwise I wouldn't be made to do it.
I have been doing a lot of resting since school finished, especially while on Christmas vacation. I got some unexpected days off work and have gotten to spend more time than I normally do sleeping, reading, relaxing, being outside, thinking, sitting. It has been really needed and I do feel refreshed.
I don't make new year's resolutions, but I do think in general I need to be mindful of: how much am I resting? Am I taking time to be still, to listen to my thoughts, to listen at all? Do I feel guilty for not doing something and taking time to do what is good for my soul?

Christmas

I know, day late, but better late than never. Just wanted to share from the Jesus Storybook Bible. This is the intro to the Bible; Andrew Peterson reads this before Behold the Lamb of God and it really sums up the story of Christmas, the story of Christ. Anyway, they say it better, so here it is:
The Bible isn't a book of rules, or a book of heroes. The Bible is most of all a Story. It's an adventure story about a young Hero who comes from a far country to win back his lost treasure. It's a love story about a brave Prince who leaves his palace, his throne-everything-to rescue the one he loves. It's like the most wonderful of fairy tales that has come true in real life! You see, the best thing about this Story is-it's true.
There are lots of stories in the Bible, but all the stories are telling one Big Story. The Story of how God loves his children and comes to rescue them.
It takes the whole Bible to tell this Story. And at the center of the Story, there is a baby. Every Story in the Bible whispers his name. He is like the missing piece in a puzzle- the piece that makes all the other pieces fit together, and suddenly you can see a beautiful picture.
And this is no ordinary baby. This is the Child upon whom everything would depend.
Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and was struck by the wonder of the gift of Christ

Journal

I finished my journal yesterday. I am a journal-er..it helps me process, it helps me stay focused when I pray so my mind doesn't ping pong in a million directions. But I also love being able to look back, to see where I was, to see the things the Lord has been teaching, to see the process and to remember. So I did that yesterday when I finished. This journal contains a lot...a lot has happened in the last year and 2 months and there was a lot that I have struggled through in this time and a lot that I am thankful for. I could write more about this, but I am not sure I am ready to yet, so instead I will leave you with the last words in my green fabric print journal.
Psalm 37: 5 and 7
 Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him and He will do it. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.

The Silver Chair

A year ago I started re-reading CS Lewis Chronicles of Narnia. I haven't been reading them straight through (don't worry about my reading ability to get through some kids books). I read them when I am in between books: I have finished my book but don't have the next book from the library yet. So last week I started the Silver Chair, the next in line. I read all of these as a kid, but it has been a long while since I got to the end of the chronicles. Enjoyable story...I like all the worlds he creates and leads you into. But as I am reading I know there is some deeper meaning, just waiting to surface. So Saturday night in my reading I got to the peak of the story and then sitting in church I realized some deeper meaning..it all clicked together. It helps if you just read the story, but I will try to explain
The story is about 2 children whom Aslan calls on a journey to find the lost Prince. Aslan give  them 4 steps to follow and they are accompanied by a pessimistic Marsh-Wiggle (think tall man with frog feet and hands) on their jounry. The journey is long and tiresome and they are lured by warm beds and quickly forget the steps they are to follow. They are awakened out of the wrong path and start following the steps again, which lead them into a world of caves; deeper and deeper they go and the people/dwarves they encounter are somber and there is darkness everywhere. They finally arrive and meet another man who claims to be someone and knows nothing of Narnia or the Prince they are looking for. That is, until the children and marsh wiggle break him free of a spell that has been upon him by a witch. To break the spell they must trust in what they have been told by Aslan and risk losing everything, but trust they do and are amazed to find this man is actually the Prince. They have to fight their way out and continue to fight the enchantments the witch wants to place on them, enchantments that call them to stay in the darkness and forget everything they have been told by Aslan.
That is the gist of the story and yesterday I realized some parallels to my life: everything around me tries to enchant me or be king over my life or promise me happiness or fulfillment so that I forget to listen to the voice of the one who loves me more deeply. The Prince has been trapped by these enchantments and is living in darkness and has forgotten his own name and whose he is...I am the same as I get lost and so used to the darkness and listen and hope that these other things will bring life. While the voice of the one who loves me is quietly calling me to the surface, to real love and real promises of life.
I have gotten my next book from the library, the Monster of Florence, so it will be awhile until I move onto the next Chronicle. But I highly recommend them for a quick read that promises to speak deeper truths in a magical way.

Kairos

Several months back a friend guided me towards Ecclesiastes when I was facing some conflict. I ended up reading the whole book, but the passage he had referenced was 3:1-8. It's the one about a time to give birth, a time to die, etc...lots of times for lots of different things. At that point the Lord spoke through it to my situation.
Then today I went back to it and then randomly read this about the word time in a different book: The greek word kairos means time, not like what time is it or a time of day but "time that is characterized by what happens in it." (Buechner). So I started thinking about what time I am in right now in terms of what is happening. In this passage there are a lot of different "times": birth, death, plant, uproot, tear down, build up, weep, laugh, mourn, dance, be silent, talk, hate, love, search, give up as lost, etc. Some of these bring up a lot of questions, like there is a time to hate? What does that look like mixed with love?
But, right now I think I am in a time of silence, not a lot feels like it is necessarily happening, no major ups or downs, just a lot of steady as she goes. The Lord is being faithful in this and is continuing to speak in the silence, which I am thankful for. Personally I have a hard time with not equating that to being boring so this is a different lens for me to view it through. But, it is interesting to view events or things in your life through this lens...for instance moving and leaving things you love is a time to uproot and to see what is happening in that process of uprooting. Or relationships...knowing there are times to give up as lost in hopes that the Lord can redeem and bring a time for love as these are his relationships. Anyway, I could go on, but I won't...that is all.

Holiday Love

I love holiday traditions and things that remind me of the magic of Christmas. One of these loves is the simple Christmas shows: The Grinch and Charlie Brown Christmas..they remind of being a kid and believing in Santa and being so excited to see what would happen Christmas morning. It reminds me of time with my family. This is one of my favorite clips from Charlie Brown. (Sorry I don't know how to paste a you tube video on here yet) Which one is your favorite dance? I love the guy in the orange shirt whose head just turns side to side or the twins in the purple dresses.

Snow and other thoughts

I know, we freak out in the south when it snows. Yesterday we got about 2 inches along with weather in the teens and really strong winds. I love love the snow..I love to be out in it and I love that everything seems so much quieter when it snows...it is like the world stops and watches is. I know this isn't actually true, but I know most of us down here stop and watch because we don't get to see it too frequently.
I lucked out and had today off, which I never have Mondays off. So I got to enjoy it for two days. Tomorrow I go back to work and I am sure it will all be melted by the time I have a day off again. Here are a few shots of the walk today. We have a greenway about half a mile from our house that I love going to in the snow. There is a creek and several neat bridges and it is closer to being in the woods than the streets are. Snow makes mundane things beautiful and sparkly and clean. I wish there was a way to take a picture of how the snow makes things shimmer.

The snow starting last night

Casa...it was really windy so the pretty tree snow didn't stick around.

This is why we freak out: ice!

Tomorrow morning it is supposed to be 8 degrees outside when I walk in to work...I am not so sure about that or how to make my paper thin scrub pants give me some warmth out there.The other nice thing about the snow is a lot of things get canceled. Today was supposed to be a busy day for me and I have ended up with a lot more time to relax and enjoy being outside and enjoy reading and journaling. At church they have been preaching about the wonder of the season and I have wanted to spend a lot of time reading and thinking about this...this idea of me being wow-ed by Christ and his love and sacrifice and all that went into the telling of this story and the redemption of what was told. Today I was reading Isaiah 61, the end of which has always been a favorite. But the first few verses are where I was today..telling of the spirit of the Lord. Some of the phrases in verse 3 stopped me: "to comfort all who mourn, to grant those who mourn in Zion, giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting , so they will be called oaks of righteousness."
I know I wrote last week about my grumpiness and discontent and these verses spoke to me in this as well. They spoke to the places of me that doubt who the Lord made me to be and the doubt I have when life gets hard (as it always seems to be). The spoke of the Lord's spirit comforting, gifting me, filling me with gladness and praise and renaming me an oak, a strong tower of his righteousness. Spend some time on the wonder of that!
Oh and I found dairy free cookies at Trader Joe's today!

127 Hours..A review

I like movies, but I usually miss them in the theaters. But this is one I have been looking forward to. When this true story happened 6 or 7 years ago I was fascinated by it and read and watched and learned the details of the story. You may not have heard of the movie 127 Hours. I will tell you, it is not for the faint hearted. Back in 2003 the story of Aron Ralston surfaced...an outdoor adventurer who went out to Canyonlands on his own and during his hike got trapped by a boulder at the bottom of a slot canyon. Nobody knew where he had gone and he was alone with an 800 lb boulder pinning his right hand. He had prepared to be out for the day only so had only a few snacks and a small amount of water, no layers, not even a proper knife. The movie follows his adventure leading up to the incident, his 5 day stay at the bottom of a slot canyon, his thoughts and recordings of himself while there, and his bizarre escape The movie is based on the true story of Aron and his fight to live.
I think most know the story...he cuts his arm off in order to escape. Yes, they show it and no I didn't really watch that part or listen because you can imagine how incredibly horrible that would be. But I do think the story is great even with this gruesome scene. He fought hard to stay alive. Once he had done the dirty work he still had 8 miles to get back to his car. But he kept going...
For me nature is one of those places that helps remind me of how small I am and how great the Lord is and how insane his creation is...the canyonlands of Utah are no exception to this.
Obviously  being close to death makes him examine his life, how he lives, how he loves those in his life, etc. In the story Aron even says something to the effect of: my whole life has been leading up to this moment, this boulder has been waiting for me to come for this to happen. Which gets me thinking about all the things that have happened in my life to get me to this exact moment I am in. Am I thankful for those things? Am I thankful for where I am? Is Aron thankful that he had that whole experience? He didn't quit hiking and climbing and being in nature..I think he just tells someone where he is headed now. So he didn't let fear keep him from pursuing what he loved.
Anyway, great movie, James Franco does a really good job, go prepared for the scene but don't let it keep you from enjoying the story.

December on Georgia

Here is our tree this year. I know...all the same ornaments. When I get to my parent's house I will show you what our tree was growing up...a big mish mash of ornaments, many homemade ones. Some of our homemade ones are just a picture we drew of a tree or my little girl handwriting that says Christmas or baby. But I don't have that many ornaments acquired, plus I like the red and silver ones. I am still looking for a tree topper that I like.
This is the third year Adrienne and I have picked out a tree and decorated together while watching the Grinch..crazy! This year several others in line were jealous of our tree..I think they were hoping we would put it down. We have mastered the skill of tapping the tree on the ground to shake it out (a skill we copied from someone else).
Now, Leah is a big fan of the outdoor decorations...here is the front of our house.

You can tell which side is hers. What is that on the far left, you might be wondering.

An inflatable moving snow globe! Yes..each year I think our outdoor collection will grow.
I am enjoying the smell of the tree and the lights. It is weird how just having a tree downstairs makes me stop a lot more and just sit...maybe I should keep it up year round so I rest more.

Honesty

A bit of honesty here...Thanksgiving break was great but I came back and the whole week after was just down. I honestly just felt a lot of discontent for my life and for the places the Lord has for me now...I was looking at each situation and seeing the worst and looking at others and wondering why I don't have this or could I just slip out of town and start all over with a new life that is frame worthy. It doesn't help that I am reading a book where the main character changes identities...darn fiction. Anyway I was struggling with trusting the Lord and doing a good job of it. I won't go into all the tiny details but let's just say even in my disbelief the Lord is still faithful and used some different scriptures, words and time alone when I didn't want time alone to speak gently to my down trodden heart. In reflecting on it, a dear friend and I were just talking about how easy it is to forget the Lord is for me and to start trusting all the things I see or desire. Then today I read this and it resonated with how my heard longs for such stability of never failing of never forgetting yet I will continue to forget and to fail.
"But triumph and failure always go together in the wait of faith. They are the head and tail of the same coin. Show me a person who has had no struggle with waiting, whose faith has known no swings between victory and defeat and I'll show you a person who has never really trusted God with his or her life. To wait on God is to struggle and sometimes to fail. Sometimes the failures teach us more than the successes. For the failures teach us that to wait on God is not only to wait for his mercy, but to wait by his mercy." (From Waiting by Ben Patterson)

Come Thou Long Expected Jesus

This is one of my favorite Christmas song. Nothing against songs like Away in a Manger, but some Christmas songs do nothing for me when I listen to the lyrics as I am a lyrics girl. When I listen to a song, yes the tune and instrumentation are important, but I am really all for the lyrics...I love to dissect them, spend time wondering on the meaning if they are cryptic, and hang on to some bits of truth for use later when my brain needs a reminder.
So this is a great lyrics song for me.

Come, Thou long expected Jesus
Born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us,
Let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel's strength and consolation,
Hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear desire of every nation,
Joy of every longing heart.

Born Thy people to deliver,
Born a child and yet a King,
Born to reign in us forever,
Now Thy gracious kingdom bring.
By Thine own eternal Spirit
Rule in all our hearts alone;
By Thine all sufficient merit,
Raise us to Thy glorious throne.

Bits of truth for me to mull over, look at my life though and remember on a rainy moment in the near future: from my sins and fears release me, let me find my rest in thee. Strength, hope, desire, and joy of my longing heart. Rule in my heart alone. Thine all sufficient merit.

Mary's Words

The person I find myself wondering about the most in the Christmas story is Mary. Joseph, yes he had a big role to not leave Mary, etc. But Mary, this girl who was supposed to get married to Joseph...did they know each other, was this a marriage set up by family?....who then has to tell him that she is pregnant. Now explaining the craziness of the pregnancy to people you knew would be hard enough but if Mary and Joseph weren't star crosssed lovers, that had to be one challenging step. Then she has to know that everyone around her is talking about her...you can't hide a pregnancy. And if it was me I would feel so silly telling the story and explaining how I was pregnant and who was coming. So here she is the talk of the town, in a different place, with Joseph. Yet in the midst of all this stuff, she had heard an angel speak to her and tell her "Do not be afraid...For nothing is impossible with God." And she held onto those words and trusted them! When she goes to see Elizabeth these are her words: "My sould exalts in the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. For He has regard for the humble state of His bondslave; For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed. For the Mighty One has done great things for me; and holy is His name." (Luke 1:46-48)
I cannot look on my own life in similar terms...Mary is saying she is blessed by this crazy situation. Did she really know the extent of who was slowly growing in her tummy and how he would change the world? Or did she trust so completely on her Lord that when he said Do not be afraid, she held fast to those words and obeyed?
Don't even get me started on what it would have been like raising the Messiah!

Amani Children's Foundation and my Mom

Where to start in this story? The story starts many years ago with a dear friend named Jane. She and her husband were in Kenya working and learned of the plight of abandoned babies in Kenya. Working at a mission hospital they saw or routinely heard of children who were simply abandoned after birth, left in trashcans, latrines, on someone's doorstep. The reasons for why they are left are varied: mother dies in childbirth, HIV + parents... Then they heard of a place called New Life Home, a house who takes these babies, nurses them back to health, takes care of them, and most importantly showers them with love.
The story expanded to small Winston-Salem, NC where others learned of the story through Jane and Chad. And eventually they started a non profit called Amani Children's Foundation. This non profit raises money so those babies can live and have a home and be loved and known and hopefully adopted.
My mom has been good friends with Jane, so knew about New Life Home. Then she traveled to Kenya 5 years ago and saw the love of New Life Home and started constantly thinking of how she could give more or do more to help save those babies lives. Her generous heart has since been working overtime thinking of these babies. She now works for the non profit and spends hours of time making bead necklaces.
Let me take a step back...one of the ways Amani raises money for the babies is by using Kenyan beads to make necklaces, which they sell along with other products. This project of necklace making started small: people would host bead parties in their homes. Last year they opened their office during the holidays to sell the necklaces and some other merchandise and were surprised by the response. So this year they have stepped out in faith and rented some retail space and opened a store. Here is the finished product.

While home at Thanksgiving I got to see what my mom has created in this store and was amazed.

All the necklaces and earrings you see hanging are mainly created by mom...yep, lots of hours of beading. When I am home I always put a few together, but nothing like she does. Here are Mom and John.

Our house is filled with beads...here is our dining room table

Aren't the colors so amazing? Anyway, I am so proud of my mom. I love watching the generosity and love she has for the babies and children and those who are there loving them and praying for them to find homes. Here is one of those cuties: That's it, just wanted to share about my mom!

Carrying Burdens

If I had to summarize big themes of what I have been learning about myself I could come up with atleast two off the top of my head. First, I don't know the extent to which I am loved. The second, and topic of this blog, is that I seem to carry burdens or take on emotionally and mentally and spiritually the responsibility for things that are not mine. I realized this again yesterday. After a relaxing break at my parents I felt burdens piling upon my shoulders as I got back to Nashville. I didn't realize until yesterday all of the things I was feeling responsible for and how dragged down and weighty I felt.
In taking some time yesterday I had a realization...all these things I feel responsible for I have at some time or another turned them over to the Lord. However I was forgetting to continue to talk to him about these things and in not doing so I take them on as mine to fight and mine to fix. I am impatient in my waiting to see the Lord work. Two scriptures that came to mind from Matthew: Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.(7:7) and Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest...for my yoke is easy and my burden is light (11:28, 30). Both of these verses speak of communication: come, ask, seek, knock...that is simply what I do and in doing so will feel the easiness and lightness of the Lord's rest.