Honesty

A bit of honesty here...Thanksgiving break was great but I came back and the whole week after was just down. I honestly just felt a lot of discontent for my life and for the places the Lord has for me now...I was looking at each situation and seeing the worst and looking at others and wondering why I don't have this or could I just slip out of town and start all over with a new life that is frame worthy. It doesn't help that I am reading a book where the main character changes identities...darn fiction. Anyway I was struggling with trusting the Lord and doing a good job of it. I won't go into all the tiny details but let's just say even in my disbelief the Lord is still faithful and used some different scriptures, words and time alone when I didn't want time alone to speak gently to my down trodden heart. In reflecting on it, a dear friend and I were just talking about how easy it is to forget the Lord is for me and to start trusting all the things I see or desire. Then today I read this and it resonated with how my heard longs for such stability of never failing of never forgetting yet I will continue to forget and to fail.
"But triumph and failure always go together in the wait of faith. They are the head and tail of the same coin. Show me a person who has had no struggle with waiting, whose faith has known no swings between victory and defeat and I'll show you a person who has never really trusted God with his or her life. To wait on God is to struggle and sometimes to fail. Sometimes the failures teach us more than the successes. For the failures teach us that to wait on God is not only to wait for his mercy, but to wait by his mercy." (From Waiting by Ben Patterson)